17 Year Old Boy is Only 22 inches Tall

DIPOLOG CITY, Philippines, March 11 - A 17-year-old Filipino boy measuring only 22 inches tall is expected to become the world's smallest man in on his June 12 birthday, his family said.

The family of Junrey Balawing of the Zamboanga del Norte province, who will qualify for the Guinness World Record when he turns 18, said the teenager has limited walking ability and can't stand up for very long, but he is proud of his record-setting size, The Sun newspaper in London reported Thursday.

"He loves it when I tell him he's the smallest man in the world, he just smiles with pride," said his mother, Concepcion Balawing. "If I were the smallest man in the world, it would be very cool," Junrey said.

A Guinness World Records spokesman said the organization is aware of Balawing.

"We are looking to review the claim when Junrey Balawing turns 18, which is when candidates for this title can officially apply for the record," the spokesman said. The title of world's smallest man is currently held by Khagendra Thapa Magar of Nepal, who stands at 26.4 inches tall.

22 inches tall?! Thats like the size of my ice Large ice coffee I have sitting in front of me. I don't want this kid as my assistant, I NEED this kid as my assistant. Not that I think he will be productive in anyway. More so that it lifts my own self esteem. Like when I tell him to grab me a chair from the other room, then after I act shocked that he can't lift the chair, I casually walk over, grab the chair with one hand and carry it over my shoulder all why he says "oh my god boss, you are so strong!" 


I mean im 6'3. This kid would have a fucking blast just riding around on my shoulder. Then if he pissed me off I would just scoop him up and put him on one of my shelves. Basically be equivalent to your boss locking you out on the ledge of you 19th story window till you agreed to stop slacking. God forbid I ever got a client, I would scare the shit out of him by having my assistant sit motionless on my desk for the first 10 minutes. Then have him slowly move every few minutes till he finally just jumps on the clients lap.


Between this and my Slow Loris I will be the most entertained / unproductive man on the planet!

Guy Pulls Butchers Knife When He Is Not Allowed To Watch American Idol

JACKSONVILLE, Fla.  — A hotel guest held two co-workers he was staying with at knifepoint when they refused to change the TV channel to "American Idol," Neptune Beach police said.

Barran Prakash, 47, of Brooklyn, N.Y., was talking to his wife on the phone while he was preparing a meal when his wife told him the show was on TV, according to police.

Prakash then told his co-workers he wanted to change the channel, but they refused, which incited a heated argument, police said. Police were called to the Days Inn in the 1400 block of Atlantic Boulevard just before 9 p.m. Tuesday. Police said when they arrived, they found Prakash in the hallway outside the room the three men were staying in, and they ordered him to the ground, but he refused. The officer said he performed a leg sweep to take Prakash down and place him into custody. Police said while the victims, Michael Pooran and Sean Huggins, were arguing with Prakash, Prakash grabbed a large butcher knife and held it to Huggins' throat.

Pooran told police he intervened and was able t
o take the knife from Prakash, when Prakash attacked him, police said. Police said they found the knife in the trash can in the room. The victims told police they thought Prakash was going to kill them. Prakash is charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill. He was being held in the Duval County Jail. "American Idol" was not on TV on Tuesday night.

and this is why I am a very passive TV watcher. I don't demand authority over the remote like most people do. First off its too much pressure for me. "are you seriously watching this?" "you fucking like this show?" "You have no taste in movies".....Fuck that. Im an indian not a chief, always have been.

The main reason I steer clear of getting involved is because of cases like this. I have stood my ground very few times and its just a very uncomfortable feeling. It gets especially heated in a situation like this where the majority doesn't want to watch the show. Then the two guys start laughing saying "were not going to watch American Idol, its the lamest show on TV"  

This is where shit gets personal. Not only are you not going to watch his show, but your now insulting his intelligence. All the while, this guy's wife is probably pumping into his ear that its the greatest show ever! She is probably like "oh my god honey, put it on now! quick!!!!! Steven Tyler just got on stage!!!" Now the guy is pacing back in forth, and the other two roomates are laughing at him. This guy finally snaps and grabs a butchers knife and probably starts making the roomates sing if they want to live. All of a sudden shits not so funny and this psycho has them reinacting the show. This stuff happens everyday. Especially with American Idol fans.

Note: Is this the worst article ever written. Hey buddy why don't you use the phrase "police said" one more time......

Tsunami Shuts me Up

So I felt a little guilty this morning when I was bitching about how it was "like hurricane Katrina outside." Only to turn on the T.V. and see this:




Kind of felt like I may have exaggerated my current situation a little. Like perhaps the light mist and 6mph winds weren't the end of the world as I was making them out to be. I mean probably would have been a little worse if I walked out to my car floating down the street and half of Boston Harbor's boats heading straight for me. I don't even know what you do if your in Japan right now. Just complete chaos judging by these videos. 


The sad part in all of this is somewhere in California there are a bunch of surfers just masturbating to these videos right now. They are getting off to all these warnings of massive waives expected to hit the California coasts. These guys are nuts, they will just weave in between the boats, houses, and cars if it means they can catch a "gnarly" waive. I will have zero sympathy for anyone who drowns trying to surf in a tsunami.


anyways good luck to everyone in Japan and I suppose ill stop bitching about the 2 inch puddles I might step in on the way to my car.

Ill take two please!

Bitch stop teasing the poor thing. The first time you let him actually hold onto the umbrella he had a smile from ear to ear. This "slow loris" moves about as slow as I did while I was recently infected with the Black Plague. Like his hand motion to grab the umbrella was eerie similar to me grabbing the glass of water next to my bed. 


All I know is that anytime I was taking a vacation, he would be the first thing I packed. This way every time I have a fruity cocktail with an umbrella in it, this thing will take the umbrella out, hold it straight in the air and it will be like a sign to the waitress that I need a new drink. 

My Biggest Regret In LIfe

Ok so I stumbled upon this little gold mind of people's regrets and I figured I would start posting them every now and then. Make everyone else feel a little better about themselves. Folks there is no way I could make these up. Their too priceless. So here goes....

Not Getting Circumcised

My biggest regret ever is not getting circumcised.  I hate the way my penis looks. Most girls hate it.  They seem to be scared of a uncircumcised penis.  I would go ahead and get circumcised now, but, at my age its too expensive and would probably be painful.

Male, 19]


Man your only 19 and you act like the worlds coming to an end because you got a hood on your penis. First off, your acting like it was your choice. Pretty sure when they make that decision your the only person they don't ask. You have to embrace that shit. Get your ass on J-date.com and start slaying it. Do you even need to wear condoms if your uncircumcised? And if it does bother you that much then you can't worry about pain. No pain no gain.

Woman Calls 911 Over Stubbed Toe

                                       (I decided against using a gross picture of a real stubbed toe)

ALLENTOWN, Pa., March 10 - Authorities in Pennsylvania said a woman who called 911 to report her stubbed toe received an ambulance ride to the hospital. Allentown Emergency Medical Services said the 52-year-old woman, whose name was not released, first called the emergency number about 11:10 p.m. Tuesday to report her injured toe but no ambulance was dispatched, The (Allentown) Morning Call reported Wednesday. Officials said an EMS unit was dispatched when the woman called 911 a second time about 10 minutes later and she was taken to the hospital.

I totally support this lady and will back her in court. Anybody who is laughing at this or upset that she is using an emergency service for a non-emergency has apparently never really stubbed their toe. When I was growing up, the guy at the top of my street had an awesome pool. It had a waterside along with all the toys and rafts a kid could ever want. So when I found out we were going to the pool, it was game on. The goal was to beat my brothers bitch-ass up there. This meant there was no time to grab a shirt, towel, or try to find my always missing sandals. 

Problem was EVERY TIME I was on my way up I would stub the shit out of one of my toes. It was like fucking clockwork. Pretty much happened in the same spot too. I would tough it out till I made it to the pool, but as soon as I started kicking my feet and the little piece of skin started waving in the water I would start screaming to the heavens in pain. Like if kids had cell phones back then, I would have called 911 every time.  Having this stubbed toe just ruined the whole pool experience too. Tough to have much fun in a pool when you can't put your foot in the water. I mean handstands get a little fucking old after a while. 

DNA is Some Crazy Shit

CHICAGO — Missing chunks of DNA responsible for turning genes on and off help explain some key differences between chimpanzees and humans — including why humans have big brains and why the human penis is not covered with prickly spines, U.S. researchers said on Wednesday.

The study, published in the journal Nature, reinforces the notion that genes that control the activity of other genes play a big role in what makes humans so different from other mammals.

The full article is a lot longer and goes into much more detail but I think everything I needed to hear was summed up in the sentence that said "....why humans have big brains and why the human penis in not covered with prickly spines." Prickly spines?  Just another reason to thank your lucky stars you were a human and not a chimpanzee. Barring you have some sort of freakish STD, I think its safe to say that every guy reading this felt a little better about the way their penis looks. 

Im not really afraid of being naked. I mean my clothes are usually off long before the girl has a button undone. Call me weird but I feel like it helps facilitate the process. How long can she sit their fully clothed while im naked for. However you can bet your last dollar that if I had a penis "covered with prickly spines" I would be the most self conscious person on the planet. Sure their might be a few girls into that, but something tells me those girls aren't "wifey" material. So if I had prickly spines or PS, my boxers would basically be sewn to my waist. In order for me to hook up I would have to completely black the girl out so she has no recollection of my PS, I would then not just shut my bedroom ligths off but rather cut the electricity to the entire house, I would wear the thickest condemns they offer, and I would probably leave all my clothes on and fuck through my zipper. 

This is why DNA freaks me out, one little strand here or one missing strand there and you got prickly spines covering your penis!

This Kids Father Must be So Proud

Nice back tuck handspring or whatever you call that move you just tried to pull. Seriously though there is no way that is the kid walking back at the end of the video right? Like that kid is dead and they quickly dragged his body off the floor right? That would make sense because people dying at your gym is bad for business. I just can't believe this kid was able to move anything below his eyebrows after this. If you asked me to snap my neck, this is exactly what my attempt would look like.

Get Me Some Tiger Blood!

SANTA MONICA, Calif., March 8 - Inspired by a Charlie Sheen rant, U.S. energy drink company Harcos Laboratories Tuesday began selling Tiger Blood, "made of 100 percent passion."

The Santa Monica, Calif., company, founded by a pair of self-described robotics industry geeks in 2007, brought out the limited-edition energy shot "in honor of a certain celebrity outburst." The 3.4-ounce shots, containing 80 mg of caffeine, come in an intravenous bag-style container and sell for $3.99. The company Web site says the product is "made of 100 percent passion."

Sheen, who was fired from the CBS sit-com "Two-and-a-Half Men" following weeks of erratic behavior, recently proclaimed he has "tiger blood" and "Adonis DNA."

There is a difference between saying and doing. I mean its impossible to watch T.V. or listen to the radio and not hear about Charlie Sheen's tiger blood. I have also already heard about 20 people joke around in some way about selling tiger blood. Well these two self-described "geeks" just decided to do what everyone else has been saying and ACTUALLY make the drink. They didn't half ass it either. Like this is exactly how I would want an envision my tiger blood. 

It comes in a intravenous bag-style container!!! That's the shit im talking about! Forget coffee, forget a 5 hour, I want tiger blood! So what when you go into your boss's office your twitching and look like a fucking vampire because the boss is going to overlook that when he sees you did 5 days worth of work in 5 hours! 

All this company needs to do now is pair up with Jagermeister or some other alcohol and make this the next red-bull vodka of the bar/club scene.

I Wouldn't Last 10 Seconds in a UFC Ring

I would rather go to prison for a year then fight a big time UFC fighter. I would probably be tapping out before the referee even started the fight. As soon as the ref said "go" I would be in a dead sprint away from my opponent and climbing the fence like a Spider Monkey.

Even if I tried, I can't describe how fast I would be put into one of their thousands of deadly submissions. That is not why I would be afraid though.  A few seconds of pain, you tap out, then its all over. That I can handle. Its the shit like this that scares me. One second im on my feet ready to impress every girl in the arena, next thing I know im on the ground, my jaw is half way across the ring, and im going to be eating through a straw for the next 6-8 weeks.

Good Sportsmanship Bro

Im a BIG fan of talking shit during a game. Like if this kid does this move after the first point he scores, I have no problem with it. But waiting till after you win just makes me think you have never won anything. Act like you have been there before man. There is a reason why there isn't a single hot chick in the audience, and thats because their off fucking real athletes.


Also if im the one in the red shirt, the second this tool does the Michael Jackson screams in my face, im haymakering this kid with no concern about the repercussions.

I Need To Be Rich!....Still

People always say that if they were stupid rich, they would still work. They say they would get bored sitting at home. Well maybe that is true. However I would never be sitting at home bored. I would always be doing shit. Just non stop traveling an attending events. I would do things that I just wasn't even able to think about before. This video right here is exactly what im talking about. Like I don't want a horse named ARGGHHHHH....I NEED a horse named ARGGHHHHHH.

I can picture it now, put out the word that I just bought a horse. I invite all my friends to tailgate and watch the race at the track that day. I pay for all the limos, alcohol, and food. My only request is that they all dress up like pirates. Now all of a sudden you have an entire section going nuts over this horse, the horse wins, its on ESPN because of the horses name and his pirate following and within one week this horse is a fucking nation wide sensation! Tracks selling pirate memorabilia and little kids begging to take a pic with ARGHHHHH. Hell by the time he retires I will be demanding $500,000,000 to breed with my horse!

GOD I NEED TO BE RICH!!! 

Mother Convinces Man To Pay to Have Sex With Her Daughter

The officer saw a car turn onto Kings Highway East from Fairchild Avenue about 1:15 a.m. Thursday, and noticed the vehicle only had one headlight on. When he attempted to pull the car over, the driver sped away, at times crossing the center divider and disobeying traffic signals. When police finally stopped the speeding car, the driver, Lisa Gluz, 49, of Hancock Avenue told the officer that her daughter, Natasha Pennywell, 28, was sexually assaulted by Swajczi-Kiss. Gluz claimed they followed him home and stole his wallet to obtain identification. Swajczi-Kiss told officers he met the two women at a Bridgeport gas station and agreed to pay for sex with Pennywell. He said he took them to his home in Fairfield, performed the sex act and paid the women. After they left, he noticed that his wallet, which had been in the room where Gluz was waiting, was missing. Gluz was charged with promoting prostitution, interfering with an officer, engaging police in pursuit and a series of motor vehicle charges. Pennywell was charged with prostitution and fifth-degree larceny. Both were held on $1,000 bond and are due in court March 14. Swajczi-Kiss was charged with patronizing a prostitute. He was released on a promise to appear in court on March 14.

I have a lifelong streak of never paying for sex which I plan on keeping intact. So personally when I met this mother-daughter combo at the gas station, I would have respectfully declined the mothers offer to have my way with her daughter. Just not my style. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy meeting a girls mother, just not under these circumstances.

The problem I have with this story is not the mother whoring out her daughter, its the way the guy handled this situation. Like I said, I have never paid for sex and don't plan on it but I know that I would NEVER.....EVER.....bring the girl back to my place. It motel or bust.

Then on top of that when this guy does realize his wallet was taken he calls the police? Buddy why don't you just chalk up the $60 or $80 bucks you had in the wallet as a loss, cancel your cards, and move on. Not only is it going to be a hell of a lot cheaper then your lawyer but I don't think this looks very good on your resume or reflect well on your reputation as a whole.

People Are Meeting in Grocery Aisles?

MINNEAPOLIS, March 7 - Grocery stores and co-ops in the Minneapolis area said romantic connections are common in the aisles because food is "something that people have in common."

Vivian King, a spokeswoman for Roundy's, which operates Rainbow Foods in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area, said it's "natural" for people to hit on each other at the grocery store because "it's around something that people have in common," the Minneapolis Star Tribune reported Monday. "Several people make the same types of food, and you can have a conversation that's not intimidating," King said. Elizabeth Archerd, director of membership and marketing for the Wedge Co-op in Minneapolis, said there is a "fair amount of flirting" at the establishment and Liz McMann, Mississippi Market's manager of consumer affairs, said co-op shoppers are likely to make connections because they "know that (others) share some values ... whether environmental or health or the treatment of animals."

This can't be real right? I mean if you told me to list the last places I ever thought I would meet a girl, my list would start out like this:

1) Grocery Store

2) Family Reunion

I hate people at a grocery store. If grocery stores were open 24/7 I would shop at like 3am just so nobody was there. I would rather starve then go at 5pm before a storm. I hate trying to weave through the aisles, yelling "excuse me" and "sorry" every two seconds. Not to mention I CAN'T STAND people shopping over my shoulder! This is why I shop differently then most people. I pick my aisles based on how empty they are and not by whats in them. If the pasta aisle is packed, then it looks like its meatball sandwiches instead of spaghetti and meatballs. If the aisle with salad dressing is crowded, it looks like my salads are going to be a little dry that week.

So sorry if I can't fathom ever meeting someone in a grocery store. However it should be stated that I shop at market basket. I don't think I have seen an attractive girl in market basket ever. So I can't imagine making a "connection." Like if im reaching for s'more pop tarts and some fatty also has 4 boxes already in her cart, im not going to ask her to smear her number in chocolate for me. 

Perhaps though in a place like Whole Foods this might be imaginable. That place is stacked with female talent. Every girl in their has a nice body and obviously plans on maintaining it. I went into a whole foods once, ill never forget it. I think I stood at the entrance for about 10 minutes observing this MILF haven from a distance before I even grabbed a cart. I questioned why I ever shopped anywhere else. Then I looked at the price tag on an "organic" "unprocessed" piece of chicken breast and I almost fainted! I immediately traded in my carriage for one of those tiny baskets. Lets just say that by the time the lady was ringing me up, I was so nauseous from the cost of my 8 items that I couldn't think about women anymore.

So perhaps the upscale people who are already enjoying the finer things in life may be hitting it off at the grocery stores, but I think the rest of us bargain hunters are too busy deciding whether to splurge for the box of  "Honey Nut Cheerios" or stick with the Market Basket's: "O's With honey!"

So All Asian People DO Look-a-like!

 

National Geographic Magazine released a video clip, below, showing the most “typical” human face on the planet as part of its series on the human race called “Population 7 billion.”
The researchers conclude that a male, 28-year-old Han Chinese man is the most typical person on the planet.

So its no longer "racist" now for me to say that all Asian people look the same right? I mean if national geographics is saying that this is the most common face on the planet then its pretty hard to argue that they don't all look the same. 

Must be a lot easier getting over girls if your Asian. Like here when your down in the dumps about not being able to get over a girl your buddy will say to you "its alright man, there are other fish in the sea." and in a suicidal tone you respond "but they will never be like Veronica, she was so beautiful and unique looking!"

However in Asia your buddy says "its alright man, there are other fish in the sea" and when you respond with "but they will never be like Veronica...." your buddy says "actually they will look IDENTICAL to Veronica, in fact you won't even be able to tell the difference!"

Note: If your Asian and this bothers you, take comfort in knowing that in 20 years they say this face will be that of someone from India!

The Black Plague

So I apologize for the lack of blogging but its kind of hard to blog when you have the black plague. I started getting sick last Wednesday. I didn't think much of it, I never do. My immune system is like the Roman Empire in its prime. Just unstoppable. Like viruses don't even bother trying to attack my immune system because its pointless. Even if I do get sick, its for a day or two tops and I just sleep it off, no big deal.


Well it appears my immune system has been breached, and breached hard. I think this virus used a Trojan horse like trick or something. Perhaps it disguised itself as a vitamin. I can see my immune system now, staring at this shady looking vitamin, screaming "I say we burn it!" However my pussy kidney was probably like "burn it? but it is a vitamin! we need all the vitamins we can get." My immune system accepted the vitamin despite its better judgment.


 As soon as this "vitamin" made its way passed my defense system it began its attack, it shed its disguise and then just wreaked havoc on my body. This leading to 6 straight days of hell, laying in bed with cold sweats, and a cough that caused cruise ships to alter their course. Thankfully though, I think I am beginning to recover. I will hopefully come back stronger and healthier then before. I have learned my lesson and will never trust a "vitamin" that looks like this again:

Still Want to Be like Canada?

 

VANCOUVER, British Columbia, March 2 - Canadian health authorities are defending a Vancouver-area hospital's decision to put overflow emergency room patients in a nearby coffee and doughnut shop. The situation arose late Monday night and lasted into Tuesday morning at the suburban Royal Columbian Hospital when a surge of 190 patients led officials to move five patients in hospital beds to the nearby Tim Hortons restaurant until the backlog could be cleared, The (Vancouver) Province reported.

The restaurant was closed and patients were separated by screens and monitored by medical staff, hospital officials said. The facility was cleaned after the patients were taken out. Provincial Health Minister Colin Hansen acknowledged the first-ever use of a coffee shop was unorthodox, but praised the hospital staff's ingenuity. "I think every emergency room in the province faces days when an unusual number of people will come through the doors," said Hansen. "The hospital staff, I think they did a good job of responding."

I hate politics, I do. Between that and Shakespeare its like choosing between freezing to death and burning to death. Just flip a coin because their both going to be painful as hell. I mean I can't understand the language of either and they both lie their asses off. Both Shakespeare and Politics have tons of sex, drugs, and corruption going on. With that said, I got so sick of hearing about the health care issue that I just didn't care anymore. Everyone seemed to want this and everyone talked about how Canada's system is so much better then ours. Well just read this article and tell me you still want to be like Canada. 

Just imagine thinking your being rushed to the emergency room and the driver hangs a left to a Dunkin Donuts. I would freak the fuck out. Just start throwing munchkins everywhere. Some guy is in the ER getting a nice morphine drip and I am in agony in some make-shift hospital room all hopped up on coffee beans. All the while, Canada is praising them for the "staffs ingenuity?"....God Bless America!

Ultimate Fail

Im not what you would call an "extreme" guy. I tend to play it safe. Other then when im drinking, I make pretty solid / safe decisions. I mean don't get me wrong, I wish I was extreme! Every night I pray that I will wake up and be the next Travis Pastrana or something. You know why? cause chicks dig extreme dudes. Look at Sean White. He is a dose of steroids short of being carrot top and look at the ass he pulls. Did you watch the x-games? there was smokeshows everywhere you looked.


So yeah I want to be extreme, I just know im not. Which is why I enjoy videos like this. This reminds me of why I don't do shit like ski straight down a mountain covered in rocks. To be honest this would probably be best case scenario for me. I would probably get way less hurt falling backwards then trying to use skill and ski successfully down the mountain. Kind of like how the drunk driver never dies. Just so fucking caught off guard that your limber as shit. Lets just hope these guys remembered rule #18....Limber Up!

Man Arrested For Driving In Reverse For 3 Miles

GLENDALE, Calif. — A Glendale man allegedly drove in reverse for more than three miles down North Glendale Avenue on Saturday, without crashing or hurting anyone.An off-duty police officer saw Gurgen Gukasyan, 49, driving at about 30 miles per hour with his right arm on the passenger seat and his head turned, according to the Glendale News Press.Gukasyan was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of reckless driving, according to the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department inmate report. Gukasyan was not under the influence of drugs or alcohol and no injuries were reported, Glendale police Sgt. Tom Lorenz told the Glendale News Press.He reportedly told police he was driving to a friend's home. "This is just sheer disregard for public safety," Lorenz told the newspaper. "It appears that he did want to take that vehicle and have some fun with it."

But this isn't the first time Gukasyan has allegedly made the road his playground. He was also arrested in December after he allegedly drove his car onto Verdugo Park, causing thousands of dollars of damage before stopping his car and blasting music. The Los Angeles district attorney's office had not filed charges as of Tuesday morning, said spokeswoman Jane Robinson. Gukasyan was released after posting $5,000 bond.

Im not sure I see the problem here. This guy was driving the speed limit and not running any redlights or anything, so why was he even arrested. I mean if your going to arrest this kid then you might as well start arresting every female driver on the road because this guy went three miles without an accident and that is a hell of a lot further then most women make it.

Also we are in a time of economic struggle and in case you didn't know, when you drive in reverse your odometer doesn't go up.  So this guy is just trying to keep his vehicle from depreciating in value with the extra miles. The way I see it, its no harm no foul. 


Note: im sure his little joyride through the park in December did not help his case.

Get Me This Baby!

I never thought I would say this but I want this baby! I mean I want a baby about as much as I want a pet spider and I fucking hate spiders, so I don't actually want a baby. However, if I were cursed enough that I did have one right now, this is the one I want. Its probably about the only one I could afford right now too. I see all these babies with these high tech / over the top toys that are very expensive. So to have a baby that I can entertain by tearing up scrap paper would make my life a lot easier. Hell if he is good I might even splurge and buy him a shredder for Christmas! Kid will have a heart attack from laughing so hard.


So I am not saying I want a kid, but if you could just cryogenically freeze this kid for a few years or give me a rain check for this one that would be fantastic.


note: if its a girl then all bets are off...

I Want Some Dancing Catepillars!!!!

I usually hate caterpillars. The fact that I use to let them crawl on me is now disturbing. I use to think they were cute, now I just straight up think their scary looking. I don't care if they turn into butterflies....fuck butterflies too. Their just a caterpillar with wings. The whole transformation creeps me out too. 

However with that said, if your going to give me a herd of caterpillars that is going to dance when I sing, then just tell me where to swipe my credit card. I want multiple sets of these. I want a group for my office, my shower, my car etc. Just blasting music and watching these guys do their thing. I mean I can't wait to see these caterpillars do the cha cha slide. These guys will be dead by the time the song is over, "two hops this time!"

Classic Yearbook Photo

 If you think im not going to Ebay right after I post this in attempt to find this year book your nuts. Its not just the obvious goth thats great. Actually, other then the gothic part there is nothing obvious about that student. Male or female? why red roses and not black flowers? and why is this persons name whited out and not the others? Anyways it would seem this class had a bunch of characters. Hell, I bet that Hickman and Idzan were like the bash brothers of the chess team. This is just 3 students out of hundreds in this yearbook and I want to see them all!

Ever Wonder What 32,000 Firecrackers Going Off At Once Looks Like?

I can only assume this is what it must be like for when a girl gets all excited to fuck some big celebrity or an athlete and it just doesn't live up to their expectation. I mean you read the title and you really build this thing up and think its going to be this amazing experience. Here you have this big time athlete or in this case 32,000 firecrackers and your bracing yourself for the ride of your life. However its all over in about a minute and all you really got was a bunch of loud noises and a big mess to clean up.

BREAKING NEWS: Christina Aguilera Arrested

By NewsCore - Raunchy songstress Christina Aguilera was arrested early Monday in Los Angeles for public intoxication along with her boyfriend, who was arrested for driving under the influence, TMZ reported.

Notice I said "breaking news" and not "shocking news." After that award winning performance at the Superbowl, nothing she does from here on out is going to shock me. If Christina Aguilera was a stock, I would be shorting the shit out of it. I would go to the bank right now, take out the maximum loan I could get, short Aguilera's stock and then start sailing to the Caribbean Islands now because it is that much of a guarantee that her career is about to spiral out of control. This is a train-wreck that Denzel Washington couldn't even stop. Oh and if you already had stock in Christina.....SELL! SELL! SELL! 

Father Shoots Himself, Then Son Shoots Mother as She Tries To Help Father?

BAY MINETTE, Ala. — A small child accidentally shot his mother Saturday night after finding the gun by the side of his injured father — who had just accidentally shot himself, the Baldwin County Sheriff's Office said.  Around 9 p.m. the BCSO was alerted to the shooting at 4621 Old Carney Road in Bay Minette. When they arrived at the home they found Allen and Aleisha Jones injured by gunshots.

The couple's two small children were at the residence when the incident happened. Their daughter was upstairs asleep at the time. When questioned by authorities, Allen Jones stated he had taken his Glock .40 handgun from the glove compartment of his truck. He was walking to the house when he tripped and fell. The gun discharged, and he was hit in the leg just above the knee, he told police. Jones yelled to his wife for help. Aleisha Jones was upstairs bathing their young son when she heard her husband's call for help. When she arrived on the screened porch, she tried to secure the gun but her son beat her to it. As she attempted to take the gun from the child, a round fired. Aleisha Jones was hit in the left side of her neck.
A neighbor heard the gunshots and cries for help and came to Aleisha Jones's aid. The neighbor's husband called 911. When authorities arrived, Allen and Aleisha Jones were transported to USA Medical Center in Mobile. Investigators say the individuals' stories parallel each other. At last report, the Joneses were in stable condition with injuries that did not appear life-threatening. No charges have been filed.

WTF? what did I just read. This is one of those stories where if everyone who read it had to act out what they invisioned, there would be a thousand different answers. I don't believe any of this. Not a damn bit of it. So the father was walking into his house with his glock .40, no big deal, and proceeded to trip and shoot himeself in the leg? Then comes the sketchiest part of this whole story. They say the mother is upstairs bathing her son, when she hears screams she runs downstairs but her son had beat her to it. So this kid jumped out of the tub naked, sprinted past her mom without her noticing, picked up a glock .40 and fired a perfect shot to the neck? Is this Jack Bauer's kid?

I don't know what happened but I KNOW this whole story is covering something up. Pieces just don't fit. Just be prepared to hear me say "I told you so" when the truth surfaces.