17 Year Old Boy is Only 22 inches Tall

DIPOLOG CITY, Philippines, March 11 - A 17-year-old Filipino boy measuring only 22 inches tall is expected to become the world's smallest man in on his June 12 birthday, his family said.

The family of Junrey Balawing of the Zamboanga del Norte province, who will qualify for the Guinness World Record when he turns 18, said the teenager has limited walking ability and can't stand up for very long, but he is proud of his record-setting size, The Sun newspaper in London reported Thursday.

"He loves it when I tell him he's the smallest man in the world, he just smiles with pride," said his mother, Concepcion Balawing. "If I were the smallest man in the world, it would be very cool," Junrey said.

A Guinness World Records spokesman said the organization is aware of Balawing.

"We are looking to review the claim when Junrey Balawing turns 18, which is when candidates for this title can officially apply for the record," the spokesman said. The title of world's smallest man is currently held by Khagendra Thapa Magar of Nepal, who stands at 26.4 inches tall.

22 inches tall?! Thats like the size of my ice Large ice coffee I have sitting in front of me. I don't want this kid as my assistant, I NEED this kid as my assistant. Not that I think he will be productive in anyway. More so that it lifts my own self esteem. Like when I tell him to grab me a chair from the other room, then after I act shocked that he can't lift the chair, I casually walk over, grab the chair with one hand and carry it over my shoulder all why he says "oh my god boss, you are so strong!" 


I mean im 6'3. This kid would have a fucking blast just riding around on my shoulder. Then if he pissed me off I would just scoop him up and put him on one of my shelves. Basically be equivalent to your boss locking you out on the ledge of you 19th story window till you agreed to stop slacking. God forbid I ever got a client, I would scare the shit out of him by having my assistant sit motionless on my desk for the first 10 minutes. Then have him slowly move every few minutes till he finally just jumps on the clients lap.


Between this and my Slow Loris I will be the most entertained / unproductive man on the planet!

Guy Pulls Butchers Knife When He Is Not Allowed To Watch American Idol

JACKSONVILLE, Fla.  — A hotel guest held two co-workers he was staying with at knifepoint when they refused to change the TV channel to "American Idol," Neptune Beach police said.

Barran Prakash, 47, of Brooklyn, N.Y., was talking to his wife on the phone while he was preparing a meal when his wife told him the show was on TV, according to police.

Prakash then told his co-workers he wanted to change the channel, but they refused, which incited a heated argument, police said. Police were called to the Days Inn in the 1400 block of Atlantic Boulevard just before 9 p.m. Tuesday. Police said when they arrived, they found Prakash in the hallway outside the room the three men were staying in, and they ordered him to the ground, but he refused. The officer said he performed a leg sweep to take Prakash down and place him into custody. Police said while the victims, Michael Pooran and Sean Huggins, were arguing with Prakash, Prakash grabbed a large butcher knife and held it to Huggins' throat.

Pooran told police he intervened and was able t
o take the knife from Prakash, when Prakash attacked him, police said. Police said they found the knife in the trash can in the room. The victims told police they thought Prakash was going to kill them. Prakash is charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill. He was being held in the Duval County Jail. "American Idol" was not on TV on Tuesday night.

and this is why I am a very passive TV watcher. I don't demand authority over the remote like most people do. First off its too much pressure for me. "are you seriously watching this?" "you fucking like this show?" "You have no taste in movies".....Fuck that. Im an indian not a chief, always have been.

The main reason I steer clear of getting involved is because of cases like this. I have stood my ground very few times and its just a very uncomfortable feeling. It gets especially heated in a situation like this where the majority doesn't want to watch the show. Then the two guys start laughing saying "were not going to watch American Idol, its the lamest show on TV"  

This is where shit gets personal. Not only are you not going to watch his show, but your now insulting his intelligence. All the while, this guy's wife is probably pumping into his ear that its the greatest show ever! She is probably like "oh my god honey, put it on now! quick!!!!! Steven Tyler just got on stage!!!" Now the guy is pacing back in forth, and the other two roomates are laughing at him. This guy finally snaps and grabs a butchers knife and probably starts making the roomates sing if they want to live. All of a sudden shits not so funny and this psycho has them reinacting the show. This stuff happens everyday. Especially with American Idol fans.

Note: Is this the worst article ever written. Hey buddy why don't you use the phrase "police said" one more time......

Tsunami Shuts me Up

So I felt a little guilty this morning when I was bitching about how it was "like hurricane Katrina outside." Only to turn on the T.V. and see this:




Kind of felt like I may have exaggerated my current situation a little. Like perhaps the light mist and 6mph winds weren't the end of the world as I was making them out to be. I mean probably would have been a little worse if I walked out to my car floating down the street and half of Boston Harbor's boats heading straight for me. I don't even know what you do if your in Japan right now. Just complete chaos judging by these videos. 


The sad part in all of this is somewhere in California there are a bunch of surfers just masturbating to these videos right now. They are getting off to all these warnings of massive waives expected to hit the California coasts. These guys are nuts, they will just weave in between the boats, houses, and cars if it means they can catch a "gnarly" waive. I will have zero sympathy for anyone who drowns trying to surf in a tsunami.


anyways good luck to everyone in Japan and I suppose ill stop bitching about the 2 inch puddles I might step in on the way to my car.

Ill take two please!

Bitch stop teasing the poor thing. The first time you let him actually hold onto the umbrella he had a smile from ear to ear. This "slow loris" moves about as slow as I did while I was recently infected with the Black Plague. Like his hand motion to grab the umbrella was eerie similar to me grabbing the glass of water next to my bed. 


All I know is that anytime I was taking a vacation, he would be the first thing I packed. This way every time I have a fruity cocktail with an umbrella in it, this thing will take the umbrella out, hold it straight in the air and it will be like a sign to the waitress that I need a new drink. 

My Biggest Regret In LIfe

Ok so I stumbled upon this little gold mind of people's regrets and I figured I would start posting them every now and then. Make everyone else feel a little better about themselves. Folks there is no way I could make these up. Their too priceless. So here goes....

Not Getting Circumcised

My biggest regret ever is not getting circumcised.  I hate the way my penis looks. Most girls hate it.  They seem to be scared of a uncircumcised penis.  I would go ahead and get circumcised now, but, at my age its too expensive and would probably be painful.

Male, 19]


Man your only 19 and you act like the worlds coming to an end because you got a hood on your penis. First off, your acting like it was your choice. Pretty sure when they make that decision your the only person they don't ask. You have to embrace that shit. Get your ass on J-date.com and start slaying it. Do you even need to wear condoms if your uncircumcised? And if it does bother you that much then you can't worry about pain. No pain no gain.

Woman Calls 911 Over Stubbed Toe

                                       (I decided against using a gross picture of a real stubbed toe)

ALLENTOWN, Pa., March 10 - Authorities in Pennsylvania said a woman who called 911 to report her stubbed toe received an ambulance ride to the hospital. Allentown Emergency Medical Services said the 52-year-old woman, whose name was not released, first called the emergency number about 11:10 p.m. Tuesday to report her injured toe but no ambulance was dispatched, The (Allentown) Morning Call reported Wednesday. Officials said an EMS unit was dispatched when the woman called 911 a second time about 10 minutes later and she was taken to the hospital.

I totally support this lady and will back her in court. Anybody who is laughing at this or upset that she is using an emergency service for a non-emergency has apparently never really stubbed their toe. When I was growing up, the guy at the top of my street had an awesome pool. It had a waterside along with all the toys and rafts a kid could ever want. So when I found out we were going to the pool, it was game on. The goal was to beat my brothers bitch-ass up there. This meant there was no time to grab a shirt, towel, or try to find my always missing sandals. 

Problem was EVERY TIME I was on my way up I would stub the shit out of one of my toes. It was like fucking clockwork. Pretty much happened in the same spot too. I would tough it out till I made it to the pool, but as soon as I started kicking my feet and the little piece of skin started waving in the water I would start screaming to the heavens in pain. Like if kids had cell phones back then, I would have called 911 every time.  Having this stubbed toe just ruined the whole pool experience too. Tough to have much fun in a pool when you can't put your foot in the water. I mean handstands get a little fucking old after a while. 

DNA is Some Crazy Shit

CHICAGO — Missing chunks of DNA responsible for turning genes on and off help explain some key differences between chimpanzees and humans — including why humans have big brains and why the human penis is not covered with prickly spines, U.S. researchers said on Wednesday.

The study, published in the journal Nature, reinforces the notion that genes that control the activity of other genes play a big role in what makes humans so different from other mammals.

The full article is a lot longer and goes into much more detail but I think everything I needed to hear was summed up in the sentence that said "....why humans have big brains and why the human penis in not covered with prickly spines." Prickly spines?  Just another reason to thank your lucky stars you were a human and not a chimpanzee. Barring you have some sort of freakish STD, I think its safe to say that every guy reading this felt a little better about the way their penis looks. 

Im not really afraid of being naked. I mean my clothes are usually off long before the girl has a button undone. Call me weird but I feel like it helps facilitate the process. How long can she sit their fully clothed while im naked for. However you can bet your last dollar that if I had a penis "covered with prickly spines" I would be the most self conscious person on the planet. Sure their might be a few girls into that, but something tells me those girls aren't "wifey" material. So if I had prickly spines or PS, my boxers would basically be sewn to my waist. In order for me to hook up I would have to completely black the girl out so she has no recollection of my PS, I would then not just shut my bedroom ligths off but rather cut the electricity to the entire house, I would wear the thickest condemns they offer, and I would probably leave all my clothes on and fuck through my zipper. 

This is why DNA freaks me out, one little strand here or one missing strand there and you got prickly spines covering your penis!