Whatever you are thinking in your head of what the options are going to be, throw them out, go smoke a blunt and then start imagining new choices because these are the complete opposite of what you would want at a baseball game. I hate when american past times stray away from what has worked for so long. Like the other day I went into the movie theatre and I was appauled at what I saw. When I walk into a movie theatre I want to smell buttery popcorn. Instead there was people eating pizza, chicken fingers, nachos + cheese....which are all great foods but have no business in a movie theatre.
So here are you choices.
1) Bologna on a stick. This had to be some kind of joke right. I would vomit if i had to watch some overweight bastard make love to this meat popsicle.
2) Vegetables + Hummus. Now granted this might actually sell with all the ladies but if "pink hats" pissed you off because they don't know shit about the game, then just imagine how much more pissed off you will be when some girl sitting next to you says "This sport is boring....I want some more vegetables and hummus!"
3) Honey Bun Bacon Burger. This is what I meant by go smoke a blunt and get back to me because if you were a stoner and watching a baseball game and somebody brought this over to you, you might cream your pants. However if im slugging beers in the 5th inning I would rather not have this thing sit in the bottom of my stomach for the next 8 days. Good luck putting down a few more beers after eating this thing.
4) Mac n Cheese Burger Burrito. Its description is: combo of mac and cheese, ground beef, lettuce, tomato and salsa all wrapped up in a fresh tortilla. Now this one I might actually vote for.
5) Meat Man Parfait. "beef, pork and mashed spuds, all covered by barbeque sauce..." Im sorry but anything that even remotely reminds me of "2 girls 1 cup" doesn't stand a chance.
6) Meat Salad "Beef brisket, hot dogs, pulled pork, pulled chicken, gyro meat, Johnsonville bratwurst and hamburger." First of all the moment you sit down with this thing, you have just conceided any chance of hooking up with anygirl within eyesight. You can also conceide that this dish is going to look exactly the same on the way out as it did on the way in.
7) Sonoran Dog -"A bacon-wrapped all beef Hebrew National hot dog is always a good idea - that is a given." This little Hebrew Hotdog is actually a great idea....problem is no way a jewish guy is forking over $8 for it.
8) The Big O Sandwich - "but if it's always been your dream to pack pulled pork, beef and boneless chicken wings plus two layers of Provolone cheese onto a hoagie roll, smother it in jalapenos, potato wedges and barbeque sauce, and top it with an onion ring - consider your prayers answered" Your prayers will also have been answered if its your dream to have a heart attack and die at a baseball stadium. If your arteries manage to not completely clog up, you can guarantee your new $70 baseball jersey is covered in stains.
9) Duck, Hog, Frog Dog- You buy a anything with frog legs on it, im never bringing you to another game ever again. Thats a fact.
10) Walking Spaghetti - "We smother the giant 16-inch loaf of Cole's garlic bread with a pound of spaghetti, meatballs, a quart of marinara and a pound of cheese." I actually don't mind this. If your sons having a birthday party and all the kids are bitching "im hungry!' instead of every two innings having to go order 8 frog leg hotdogs, you just slam this down infront of them in the first inning and tell them to shutup until they finished eating.
